“Man up and go fight that person.”
“Man up and stop crying.”
“Man up and start acting like a man.”
“Man up" is just two simple words, right? No. It’s an outdated and gender orientated role that is said without any real thought put behind it.
Telling someone to ‘man up’ might just seem like a way of telling someone to get on with a task or ‘be strong’, or sometimes to not show emotion in certain situations but it is actually a gender-specific role and makes it seem like if a man doesn’t adhere to these things, then he is less of a man.
Kenny Mammarella D-Cruz, a personal development consultant who ‘gets to the heart of a guy’s issues said: “There is nothing manly about ‘man up’, it's generally a boyish or female term.
“It’s either you’re not good enough or do something dumb.”
Through his work in The MensGroups, Kenny works with males and allows there to be a space where males can come together to share their experiences and discuss their feelings. Kenny is passionate about it being a pressure-free space and allowing males to not feel like they’re being told what to do or how to be – and that’s exactly why it’s important to know the effects of telling someone to ‘man up’.
The phrase ‘man up’ insinuates that men need to step up to their responsibilities and act for the approval of others. It comes down to toxic masculinity which means repressing emotions and a lack of conversations about mental health.
Due to males believing that they cannot discuss their feelings, it can significantly affect their mental health and lead to depression, anxiety and sometimes violence, alcohol or drug abuse for example.
Kenny said: “If someone tells someone to man up, not only are they not being supportive or specific but it’s generally a threat of ‘you’re less than’ or ‘you should do something dangerous.
“It stereotypes men of men being violent.
“I’d say a big issue is that people don’t know how to listen to men.”
The feelings that males have can be easily looked past as males are often pushed into this hole of not having any feelings, therefore due to this toxic mentality that males ‘can’t have feelings, telling someone to ‘man up’ is an easier threat as they may not care, feel or even need to react to it.
The truth is, everyone has feelings, it’s just sometimes hard to open up about them.
Perhaps being able to listen is the key. Within society, we have managed to teach men that speaking about their feelings is wrong, and having feelings is 'weak'. This idea is how males are brought up. Men are not provided with information or brought up in an environment where being honest about emotions is common.
According to the views of Kenny: “a strong healthy male can very easy crumble when female energy withdraws or criticises.
“Males don’t know how to talk about their feelings, if a man does talk about his feelings and he is told those aren’t his feelings or he’s told to man up then why talk about the feelings?”
Expressing emotions and sharing our thoughts is powerful and a sign of strength. Saying ‘man up’ puts males into a box where they can’t discuss how they’re feeling and bottle everything up inside because doing so could make them look ‘weak.
Having feelings is normal, crying is normal, and feeling scared is normal.
If you’re a male reading this article, yes, you may 'only be a man' but you’re also human. You’re not alone. Talk, discuss and feel your emotions.
Through males feeling like they can discuss and be open about their emotions, we can grow as a society and move on from the outdated phrase of ‘man up.’
Full video interview with Kenny Mammarella-D'Cruz
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